I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
