i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
