Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
