apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
