Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
