I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
