also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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