We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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