I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
