it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
