At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
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He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
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We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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