Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
