I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can you bring me the toilet please
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
