I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
