Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
