Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
