bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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