When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
