Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
