I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
