If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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