found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
