i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
