mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
