she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
