I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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