Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
