i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
