Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Randomize
