i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the condom got lost in my hair
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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