I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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