I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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