Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
