I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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