the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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