Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
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Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
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It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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