i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
