i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
