Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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