totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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