It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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