oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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