i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
They are going to name an STD after you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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