I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
