Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
