I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
