i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
