do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
