Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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