One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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