so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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