We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
