his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
