Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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