How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The feeling are messing with the penis
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
