i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
