Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
