I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
