I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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