Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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